god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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