How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
