Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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