all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
