You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
