Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
