Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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