It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
