My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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