so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
