I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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