life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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