I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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