dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Randomize
