you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dignity is for republicans.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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