smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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