Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
