Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
