drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
