Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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