She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
