I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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