I heard we made out
I want to have your abortion
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
