JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
