last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
