Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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