we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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