Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
