come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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