so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
