my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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