If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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