I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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