by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
