I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
