his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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