No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
