honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
