So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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