I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
