Will you blow on my dice?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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