i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
