I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
