im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
