WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
