My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
