Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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