two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
