I'm sorry my penis didn't work
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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