there's paper in my vomit.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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