Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
