if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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