ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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