you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
