so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
