When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
