Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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