And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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