My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
