***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
