Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If that was your dad, he is hot
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
